I think im going to throw up on grandma
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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