i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
