I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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