there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
