i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
