If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My balls are so social today.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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