Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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