Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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