I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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