were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
