I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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