ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
