i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
