I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
