thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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