he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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