He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
