I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
