I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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