Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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