my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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