help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
