so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
