my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
