New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
