girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
