are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
did i walk over a car last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
