I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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