Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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