DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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