And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm bleeding and have questions
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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