i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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