...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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