i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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