hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
