He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
