don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
