there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
