My room smells like vodka and shame
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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