I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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