Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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