Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize