If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
