We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
