so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
