The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
