just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
