Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
