She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
