The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize