I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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