this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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