I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
