so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
