my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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