i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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