But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize