i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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