Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
