I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
