He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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