And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
