I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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