he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
