God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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