she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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