his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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