Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
