Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize