Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
