franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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