I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
