you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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