Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
