making cat noises will not fix the situation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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