so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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