after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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