Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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