8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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