Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
