So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize