Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
