girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
