I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
