I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
