I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
