Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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