somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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