Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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