Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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