just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
