And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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