Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
