i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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