come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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