my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize