Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
