I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
