WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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