the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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