There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
