I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just google imaged poop.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
