I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
