She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
