she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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