oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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