R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
