Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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